I want to be happy

I'm darn frustrated with myself right now.

I can't wait for it to end.
Almost 3 months, others from other teams are already on their own, while I'm still at that stage?
Sometimes, his mindset just crosses mine. Sometimes, we're like best buddies.
When we say we're not biased, sometimes we actually are.
It's a dog-eat-dog world.
I'm at the bottom of the food chain.
I'm pissed that my dad is owing us two months' worth of money.
Dad is preventing me from being financially comfortable.
And of course, my aunt is nagging at me.
My gate still has the paint marks from the loanshark's doing.
It's an eye sore.
The town council has not even removed it from the floor when they say will. When?
All say, but there's no action.
This special "event" opened my eyes to see the reality of the situation in my homeland.
I wish I'm not bounded by my occupation to compromise my freedom of speech and choice.
The house's refrigerator has broken down at this timely moment.
Mom has to go to the market almost every day just to cook fresh food.
She is tired. I wish she doesn't have to go through this. She does not deserve this.
Tears are welling up.
I worry for my sisters, their education and their upbringing.
Where the hell is our father?
I'm tired of educating the public on road safety.
Everyone's damn complacent, in almost every aspect in our lives.
IPPT is coming, and I'm either lazy or too tired to train up.
There's no motivation in me, just "work, work, work" in my mind
I wish to put God and family before work and myself.
Then of course, there's her.
I can never find that courage. Why?
She will never see me.
I miss her.

So many things on my little mind and heart. I just pray that You, oh God, if it's Your will, take away, or at least, lessen the burden I have in me. Help me understand that the trials I'm going through are just to make me a stronger person. Also, quieten down my heart. Make me less an angry person, full of fury whenever something small sparks the temper.

Sigh. ):